This feature was originally released in 2015 in time for the release of the fourth Daniel Craig Bond film, Spectre. To celebrate the full trailer for his upcoming Bond release, No Time To Die, we're showing this feature off again. Poor P. The guy spends his time building some of the most impressive things the world has ever seen, only for a bleak, misogynistic knowledge "up" to waltz up and start breaking things. Watching only the Q scenes of the entire Bond franchise, I understood why the quartermaster is always so testy. James Bond is an idiot. There is no doubt that without Q Bond would have been dead long before the credits of From Russia with Love rolled. It's funny how there's always a device that's perfectly suited to every situation Bond finds himself in, it's almost like an intrigue. But for every device that saves Bond's life, there is one that hasn't made it to the ground. Here is a list of the best devices that got stuck on Q Branch.
1. Deadly umbrella (for your eyes only)
What is it? An umbrella with deadly spikes that close in and kill the stand when it gets wet. How would Bond use it? Carefully replacing Blofeld's brolly with this deadlier alternative, and then praying for rain. "Torrential pains," he quipped in the case of 1/100 of the plan.
2. Radioactive lint (to Her Majesty's Secret Service)
What is it? A lint that can be placed on clothing and used to track down a suspect. How would Bond use it? 007 creates a secret identity as Barnes Jond, the traveling tailor who "happened right in the area" of Blofeld's secret hideout and wondered if he wanted an accessory. Don't worry, he wears a fake mustache to keep his true identity a secret. It suits you, sir.
3. Deadly Tea Tray (The Spy Who Loved Me)
What is it? A spiky tray that floats just above a surface (presumably using magnets), which can be thrown at high speed to decapitate some unlucky people at the other end of the table. How would Bond use it? In the classic lunch scene where Bond and the villain enjoy the "last supper" before an evil plan takes place. "It was good to make ketchup," Bond quips with a raised eyebrow, having sent the plate hurtling towards his enemy at 100mph.
4. Deadly Gate (Octopussy)
What is A door decorated with deadly dots (again). Try using the knocker and it will be flattened. How would Bond use it? In his most elaborate scheme to date, Bond goes after Come Di(n)e With Me to catch the bad guy. "I'll mark you seven dead..." he probably jokes when his guest comes to play.
5. Shisha gun (The spy who loved me)
What is it? A hookah pipe that also serves as a machine gun. It's not subtle. In the James Bond universe, if something is even at a phallic distance, you can assume it's some kind of firearm. How would Bond use it? Specter employees are becoming increasingly suspicious of this Facebook event invite to James Bond's "shisha and tea party." But the last few months have been difficult - British intelligence has created obstacles at every turn, the economy has been in bad shape and no one is investing more in the company's start-up campaigns - so A Party seemed like a good way to wind down. They just hoped he wasn't the one that ended with Roger Moore joking "Don't be chai" and blowing everyone up with a teapot.
6. Killer cast (for your eyes only)
What is it? A thrown arm that rotates 180 degrees outward at a ferocious speed. How would Bond use it? He would tell the bad boy that he has a big secret, but they have to get really close to whisper in his ear. Or he could just ask Jaws to sign him off, only to bring the device into action and bash him with his metal teeth.
7. Bagpipe gun (The world is not enough)
What is it? A set of bagpipes that works like a flamethrower. How would Bond use it? Hardcore fans of the Bond franchise will know that Ian Fleming's spy is half Scottish, which means he has a good excuse for having bagpipes on at all times. "He talks about it," he said, snapping at his enemies, but quietly because he didn't want anyone pointing out that Q had made the same joke at the beginning of The World Is Not Enough.
What is it? It looks like a stool. You sit on it. It becomes "boioioioioioing" when it throws you into the air. How would Bond use it? Probably to prank M at the Christmas party, completely underestimating her strength when spring throws her through the roof of the MI6 seat.
9. Rope extension (Octopussy)
What it is? Actually, it's just the tip of the classic Indian string, except the prototype of Q breaks, so it's not even as good as the real thing. How would Bond use it? Penniless and stuck in Egypt only after women the world over unanimously say he's a terrible person, James could play to admire the crowds in order to raise funds for a Back to London robbery, and maybe a kebab.
10. The Living Daylights
What is A sofa that swallows anyone sitting on it. How would Bond use it? Thanks to his quick action mechanism, this could help Bond camouflage himself on the ground in an instant. "When do we get a new sofa?" Blofeld would question his thugs before loudly announcing the exact details of his plans for world domination as he petted his cat. "The sofa is so good," Bond murmurs under a breath, scribbling the bomb codes on a piece of paper from inside the chair.
11. Explosive awakening (license to kill)
What is it? An unassuming alarm clock that explodes like a grenade when you wake up. How would Bond use it? Uh, a fancy grenade? A plot device so he can say "time passes" when thrown at an enemy? We don't see how it could be used without accidentally blowing up Bond.
12. Rocket Leg (GoldenEye)
What is A leg that is actually an exploding rocket. How would Bond use it? This is the spy's last step - Bond would use it to infiltrate the sickbay where Blofeld is recuperating after his last run-in with MI6, perhaps in combination with Arm Out for maximum effect.
13. Electromagnetic ring (diamonds are eternal)
What is the electromagnetic controller RPM (revolutions per minute). A little bit of pressure can cause the reels to stutter inside a fruit machine, making it easy to line up these 7 candies. How would Bond use it? We imagine this is the sort of device that would help Bond out in a number of possible scenarios involving death machines. But he would probably wear it to play or to remove a bra. Typical.
14. Phone Airbag (GoldenEye)
What is it? An airbag that inflates inside a phone booth, immobilizing any poor person who steps in to make a call. How would Bond use it? 007 has cleverly blocked all cell towers in the area, which means that Blofeld can no longer control his friends through his regular WhatsApp group. He'll have to find the nearest payphone: conveniently, one was set up just two days ago a few meters from his volcanic lair, though the area code is strangely +44 07.
15. Tear gas parking meter (Goldfinger)
What is A parking meter that releases tear gas. How would Bond use it? Retired from MI6, job 007 is introduced as a traffic cop with a murder sequence. Not content with handing out fines, he now unleashes a cloud of gas on those who try to put coins in his parking meter, shouting "This will teach you how to walk on gasoline."
16. Sandwich Q (Golden Eye)
Which is Q's lunch, or at least he says so. Nice try Q, but we don't fall for this classic. This thing is loaded with more nonsense. How would Bond use it? Disguising himself as a Subway employee and luring Goldfinger with this delicious smell, they always get excited. "Eats dead," he teased, handing the meatball sub to Auric before diving onto the counter.